THE AUCTION

Enter February 17.

I was at work on my lunch break probably eating a sweet potato with soy BBQ shreds if I was lucky - contemplating any last ditch efforts we hadn’t thought of for finding a house to buy. My little personal brainstorming session suddenly produced an idea – "how about you open up that internet and research buying houses that have gone to auction" (which was completely foreign territory for me having only heard of it, not even knowing if it was even possible). So I did just that, clicked on the 1st link that google offered up to me, and…what…the…??!!!

There on the first page I clicked on was one of the first houses we ever went and looked at in Oak Park (we LOVE Oak Park). The very house that we had never been able to get off of our minds, but never really considered until recently because it was out of our price range considering the amount of work it would take to convert it from a two flat into a single family. Only the night before, we had started putting together a rough renovation cost estimate so we could come up with a number to offer the bank (who owned the property), so that we could then promptly be rejected, and then finally lay the house to rest in our minds and move on to buying that bungalow in Berwyn that we’d never really make much money on, if at all, and never really like living in.

So now not only is this Oak Park 2-Flat apparently up for auction on this website, the auction is - TOMORROW.

I call J over (who works in the same office as me) in an attempt at getting him to confirm my belief that this is some sort of internet mind game, and he agreeably shares my opinion.

There are phone calls made – a frenzy of chatter, a few heart palpitations, and it is confirmed – the house is indeed up for auction tomorrow. If we want it, we have to go buy it tomorrow.

Well Geez Louise.

So it was a late night of discussion, cost estimating, and more heart palpitations (ok J, the palpitations were all mine). In the end, what our cost estimate told us was that what we had to offer on the house was sooo far below its listing price that I was just too embarrassed to even go to the auction and be laughed at by all the southern belles and grey suits that surely were there to bid on properties. What?  That's what I see I TV!  I would just discreetly put my number in online (as you had the option of bidding live online) and watch the auction numbers eat it into oblivion. But at least we tried and could sleep at night not needing to wonder what would have happened.

Enter February 18.

The morning of the auction I quick pulled up the auction website, registered, and received access to watch live auctions that were going on at that moment. My auction was not until 2:30 that afternoon so I had some time to watch a few to get a feel for how it would go down before jumping in myself. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED by the way if you ever consider buying anything at auction yourself.

Coincidentally, the auctions running off at the time I pulled them up were a bunch of condos in Chicago. I had read that it literally only takes a few minutes to auction off a property. I had in my mind what the whole process would look like, completely fueled by whatever I had seen on TV at some point in my life that portrayed an auction, having never been to one myself.

And let me tell you – it really is exactly like what you would imagine it to be like.

The auctioneers are, at least from the ones I’ve watched, these larger than life fast talking smooth southern gentlemen in smart suits and pink silk ties with a pointy handkerchief tucked perfectly into front pocket. The auction really does only take a few minutes, they do really talk just like you see on TV, and your head will really spin right off your shoulders if you don’t hang on to both your ears.

But I digress.  So I’m watching these auctions online and sit there stunned with mouth fully agape when I see the number on the screen that the first bid closed at. Now, we had been looking at housing in Chicago as well, so I was pretty familiar with what similar properties to the ones being auctioned off were going for. And let me tell you – somebody somewhere just got themselves a REALLY good deal. For reals guys and gals, it is legal to sell a home that cheap?!

But it happened so fast, I wasn’t sure that I followed the whole thing correctly, so I watched another. And another.  Sidebar WARNING: watching online auctions is very addicting!  Beware!

And then I was picking up the phone and calling J to tell him to batten down the hatches because his wife is going to the auction, and we might actually have a shot at getting this house!!

In a matter of a few hours, my mother-in-law(MIL), who is also our realtor (that’s reeeeeealtor, not realuhter folks), was picking me up to head over to put me a bid on a house. They typically hold the auctions at one of the properties that is up on the auction block, and luckily this one was in Oak Park in a 4 flat that was for sale - so just a few minutes away.

Sometimes they have them outside on the lawn, and sometimes inside the property. Because it was chilly, they decided to have it inside this time.

When we pulled up, it was interesting to see the demographic of people types in waiting to participate in the auction. There were a lot of contractors, a few johnny home owners, and a sprinkling of suits that were probably investors or of the sorts. But much to my disappointment, all in all, there were a lot of people – probably 30-40 or so. I was hoping for maybe, oh I don't know, like one or two. Ha Ha

We went in, registered with the guy squatting at a laptop (where all the magic happens apparently – remember this was also live online) precariously teetering on a dilapitated old galley kitchen counter in the back of one of the flats, promised to pay if I won a bid, and then waited in the cold living room for the auction to begin.  Looking back - it was February.  Why was I wearing a down vest instead of a down sleeping bag?  Come on becki!

Soon, the auctioneer (who I think did actually have on a pink tie) walked to the front of the packed room with a microphone attached to a tiny speaker and read us our rights.

Then the third man with earpiece to listen in on the online bids and VERY loud voice took his place in the middle of the crowd. His job was to yell “HUP!” every time a bid took place whether online or live so that the auctioneer knew to push the bid up as it was so packed he couldn’t possibly see everyone at once.



And then we were off!



Luckily, my house was second to last on a list of 7 or so properties being auctioned off, so I got to ease into the auction process for a few rounds before it was show time. Dumb luck! It took a few auctions before your mind can even comprehend what is being said as it is being said so fast and loud in this weird auction speak, that it will literally cause your brain to flip flop inside your head. If mine was the first auction, the auction would have been done before I could even turn to my MIL and say, “did they start yet?”.

So my house is up now, Mr. Auctioneer wastes no time in getting bidding going and we are up to my cap number before the second hand has even made it’s way around the clock. I listen closely and when I hear my pink tied friend call my number – I raise my card to indicate I bid. Unfortunately, as quickly as I raised my card, someone else somewhere on the other side of the room evidently did right after me, because I hear the numbers keep going up after I bid. My heart sinks a little as I realize I didn’t win the bid, but am also a little relieved as this whole thing just happened a little…er….fast? And we were bidding at the very edge of what we could afford.

Then, just as my mind is starting to numb over in both relief and disappointment that this whole thing is over and I can move on, I realize that they have stopped the auction and the man with the earpiece is pushing people out of his way to make his way over to where I am standing. My head was totally wagging from left to right straining to see who he has stopped this auction for and then realize that he is standing in front of me.



Uhhh…can I help you Mr. Earpiece?



So now he is talking to me very fast and low and smooth-like so that only I can hear and I step out of my own body and am now yelling at myself from across the room – “Retreaaaaaaat! He’s trying to fast talk you! You have bid the most you can bid!”.

So I listen to myself and can now hear myself just keep saying, “No, I’m done, I can’t go any higher.” And then I stop yelling at my own self long enough to actually hear what he’s saying. The dude is trying to get me to bid another $1,000. And now J is standing next to me saying “are you out of your mind? What is $1,000 on a mortgage?!” But I am yelling at myself from across the room again and grow scared of the fast talking tie and keep turning him down.

Now at this juncture, he stops his whirlwind of word games, calmly takes out his ear piece, looks me square in the eye and says “Look, I don’t normally tell people this, but you do have the option of bidding up just another $500”.

All the sudden you can hear a pin drop, every eye in the room is on me, and I hear myself from across the room say, “becki, seriously, what is $500 in house speak?”. I look over at my MIL and her face is a little blue from holding her breath and her eyes are as big as saucers staring at me like she’s watching Rocky Horror Picture Show wondering how this cabaret show will end.

So I ignore myself across the room, look back at my earpiece dude and whisper “fine, $500”. And before the words were even done exiting my dry mouth, there was an eruption of fast talking auction speak and I heard numbers being spewed that crept back up over what I had just bid, so just assumed that obviously my bidding opponent had seen my $500 and gone in with a $500 of his own and again breathed relief that the trainwreck was over.

“Going once, going twice, to the lady in the corner!”.

I look at MIL right before my jaw fell on my foot.

Now why is that silly auctioneer pointing at me?


Like I said – it’s VERY hard to follow all the numbers being thrown around as they are trying to push bids higher, sometimes you think they are calling out the next number bid when really they are just trying to get someone to bid that number. This is what happened in my case. The auctioneer was trying to get my opponent to bite the number he kept yelling, but he didn’t budge, so the bid fell back to me.

Go figure.

So I bought me a house in a matter of minutes for just a smidge more than what we had planned.

Now I wouldn’t recommend this process to everyone because it is veery risky if you are not completely informed of the property on the chopping block, but coincidentally (or shall we say via divine intervention?), we had already looked at the property multiple times, were already planning on making an offer, and did think we knew what we were getting ourselves into having done the research. That being said – we walked away with a CRAZY deal.

We hope.  And boy is she a looker.