CLOSING

The headache of what then ensued over the next few months leading up to closing on this property will be greatly condensed if not just for the fact that I am writing this now much after the fact so the details are not as fresh in my mind. Nor do I care to relive them.

And it’s probably better that I spare you the daily aneurisms I had over delinquent lawyers, botched paperwork, failed inspections, and just overall chaos. Because frankly, it just hurts to hear it.

The bank’s lawyers were a joke, so that was the root of most problems. Then our bank is telling us that unless a few things are fixed on the property they won’t give us financing.

Eh?  We don't own this property!

It was bank owned, and they could care less if there are things that have to be fixed so we can get the financing we need to buy the house we've already signed a contract saying we'd buy – so we are on our own.

We find from others that with lending the way it is these days, this is a common problem. Buyers are being forced to basically trespass on properties and make modifications to them without even owning them just so that they can get the lending they need.

So of course this is what we did. 

Luckily, we were able to get our list of "repairs" reduced to just those that were considered "health and safety issues".  The night J went over to repair some broken windows and turn the water on (in hopes that the house didn’t explode in a furry of water propulsion due to broken pipes), he also discovered that a portion of the ceiling on the 2nd floor caved in due to the roof leaking above it.  Awesome!  We love you house! 

Because he was hoping to spend more time repairing drywall that we were going to turn right around and have torn down.

Excellent.

Not really.

After days and weeks of curious and confusing emails between lawyers and lenders, the closing is scheduled for March 26.

Oh, wait – more problems with paperwork.  When you buy a house "as is" at auction from a bank - no one is going to throw you any bones, that's for sure.  It is pretty much up to you and your lawyer (if you buy a home at auction - PLEASE hire a lawyer to handle the closing!  It is waaaay more complicated than you'd ever expect!)

Did I mention the $800 in unpaid waterbills holding up the transfer stamp?

No?

There came a point sometime between the 26th coming and going with no closing and April 12th, when we did actually close that I began nervously looking for candid cameras hidden in trees and behind my rear view mirror because I was having a lot of bad hair days, and didn’t want to be put on TV with bad hair. But being on candid camera was the only logical explanation for the ridiculous circus of lawyer and bank emails that were circling around us every day.

The week before closing, my even keeled husband started threatening to march into the sellers' lawyers' office and cause an angry client scene. Maybe rant a little. Possibly even punchasize someone's face for free.  (super troopers?  no?)

Much to his chagrin, everything pulled together literally hours before they rescheduled our closing for like, the 3rd time, and we finally walked away with our name on the title.

Here we are at Potbelly's with J's mom (our realtor) day of closing while we wait for paperwork to be sent through.  You didn't expect all the paperwork to actually be in order at the closing did you?  Silly reader.

As we're driving back to work from the closing, a pursed smirk started to creep it's way across my lips at the thought of that ridiculous chapter being over, but before I can say "and done", my sneaky lip turned right back down as old man worry barged into my noggin.

You see, before we owned the house, there were just an assortment of scrappy teenagers or bums or someone/thing taking haven and wreaking havoc in the house with beer bottles and smokes (and Lord know what else), breaking doors and windows when things managed to get locked up again and again. Every time we'd visit and see more damage we'd wag our heads from side to side and guffaw almost in near amusement at their wily antics.  "What?  They broke in again?  Silly chenanigans!  Chortle Chortle."

Now that we owned this house - THERE WERE PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! (whoever pete is - he gets a lot of love from me)

Next on the agenda: Project Secure House.

And with that, here's a few pics of us that night at our virgin home visit on the eve of the first day officially owning the property/project.

J driving up to the house and pointing it out as if I forgot which one it was.  OMG J.  Are you kidding me right now?

T and MIL again reminding me which one is ours.  Seriously? You're making me break out in hives over here.

FIL hunched over the impending weeds, already feeling the stress for us I presume.

And done.

What in the world where you guys thinking!???!